So, I hear they don’t celebrate Halloween in Australia. Luckies.
Ever since I was a 2-year old crying in the mirror because my parents put face paint on me and dressed me up like a tiger, I’ve wished we were one of those countries that doesn’t celebrate Halloween. I’ve just got some beef with it and I’d like to get it off my chest!
If I ever start a petition to end this holiday, the following reasons will be cited:
1. “Sexy” costumes. Please stop those.
2. Scary kids scaring kids. I don’t like being scared and Halloween suddenly gives people the right to walk up to strangers and get all up in their face and be scary. Please stop that too.
3. Scary movies. They’re the worst! In high school and college I felt peer-pressured into watching them with a group of friends. When I was left alone my mind went wild and I would do crazy things like walk around the house with the vacuum as my weapon or never sleep with my hands outside the covers until I was 18 years old. (Okay, that one was a result of Edward Scissorhands…technically not a scary movie I suppose.)
4. Creative costume pressure. I like being creative, but I don’t want to feel pressured to make plans and spend money and/or extensive time to come up with some super cool costume. Just let me be Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz for 5 years straight, okay?
5. Halloween parties. Gross-looking food, the same 5 Halloween-themed songs and lots of fog in your face. Also, if you’re trying to meet people, you’ll never know who you were actually meeting and if they were actually cool.
6. Costumes in general. I just don’t like dressing up 😦
7. Candy hangover. That sugar hangs around the house for weeks and weeks, taunting me and making me feel like I just have to eat it so it doesn’t “go to waste.”
8. Whoppers and Sprees. No one likes those, and they always end up being the most plentiful candy at the end of the trick or treat adventures.
9. Halloween pranks. I don’t like pranks anytime really, but especially the Halloween kind.
10. Stealing things from fall. All of the cool things about Halloween are actually just cool things about fall: pumpkin-flavored treats, apple treats, crisp weather, bowls of soup, sweaters, etc. So Halloween can go away and leave those to the fall fest parties!
One reason Halloween can stay: Reese’s pumpkins. Those are good. But they also have Reese’s eggs and Reese’s Christmas trees…so it’s probably fine to sacrifice them.
Photo via Halloween Forevermore